It’s the smile, she was the virgin of the garden
and the garden is where I look for her.
I gaze into the candle and the candle
burns out in the cat dish.
There is a thin line between religious ecstasy
and fanaticism, the laser grids guarding
the vaults in the bank robbery
that sets loose the demons.
Can benefit and harm live together
where they can be rats in a maze?
What I am seeking
Burns within my eye.
My hands close
on something ordinary.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
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10 comments:
Interesting, but you are far too self conscious in structure and exposition to have the desired effect you seek.
In fact, may I suggest you stay off the alcohol whilst writing poems in the future. It cloudeth judgment.
Not that I'm suggesting you were drunk or high whilst writing this poem.
Hi ccmt! Thanks for taking the time to read this modest effort. It obviously doesn't succede for you. I write poems like this at five in the morning, long before the vaunted cocktail hour, unfortunately. So we are left with the options that my artistic judgment is sadly impared, that I'm an all night binger, or that this was not perhaps my most sterling effort. The former and latter seem to be the only options that fit the situation, sadly. I can accept that this might not be my greatest poetic endeavor but am not delighted to entertain the notion that my judgement is simply flawed. What confuses me is that you seem to be both suggesting it and not suggesting it at the same time. A little clarity of purpose is perhaps in order, wouldn't you agree? In lieu of any iminent resolution of this question I will simply wish you well.
was that guy trying to be funny?
you'd better leave him to finnegan. ;-)
anyway, i dont find anything flawed.
cheers!
Thanks shubhodeep! Glad you enjoyed this. I'll be glad to leave ccmt to finnegan. The vote of confidence is gratefully appreciated!
I love the last too lines and the bounce from present to dreemy thoughts, I suggest all can co-exist, how deeply we wish to emerse our selves into the unplesent or harmful depends on our strength on the day
The bounce is what it is all about, isn't it Sue? It also seems clear to me that all does coexist. For example staring at the candle produces a burned in image (retinal) that is still present while you are looking at the cat's dish. Therefore both things are existing in our brains at the same time (sorry Hume, Descartes, Kant). That is why there is an implied doppelganger in the last two lines.
Lovely poem....I used to study this kind of poems.
"What I am seeking burns within my eye"- totally love this line. What I am seeking is so close and I can hardly see it, isn't it?!?! :)
Thanks Niki! I'm so glad to see your comment. I noticed you put a link to this poem on your blog; I am deeply honored! Thanks again and be good to yourself for all of your friends out here in the blogworld.
My favorite.
I am glad naiad! There is more than what is real and less than what we dream of. I'd like to put a nail in that but it keeps moving. You understand this too.
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