Yuckelbel's Canon: Need in deed

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Need in deed

Chasing a horse till sunrise
Why don’t I dream that it's night
I slide across her lips
Round as a robin’s breast
Guilty in youth, guiltier still

Ruleless as an empty paper coffee cup
Trying to put the other half together by quarters
She had gotten tired because
She was holding on to him
Hoping he was holding on too

The long warm months had bounced by
With eagerness and confusion then
Finally the summer road drank her
As if she was a frosty glass of water

12 comments:

katy said...: "i slide across her lips
round as a robin's breast"

what a beautiful couplet! sensual and dignified, thank you russell, for this little gem!; 6:04 PM
Russell Ragsdale said...: Thanks Dear Katy. I am so glad you saw this sparkle.; 6:46 PM
Pat Paulk said...: Dynamite last two lines Russell!!; 6:53 AM
Roger Stevens said...: Just caught up on your last few posts. Been busy entertaining relatives from Canada. Some great poems. Liked Sam Duffy's artwork.
And this latest poem. Some great lines. Chasing a horse till sunrise...

I was wondering... maybe there should be a blog where poets can publish work for criticism. It's lovely everyone being positive all the time and saying lovely things - but sometimes you just want the truth - and a bit of postive criticism. Whaddya think?; 8:02 AM
Russell Ragsdale said...: Thanks Pat! I feel like I've been playing in your part of the playground but it sure was a lot of fun!; 8:20 AM
Russell Ragsdale said...: Hi Roger! Thanks for the nice words. I really have been enjoying Miss Sam's art too.

There are several criticism blogs, by the way. The two I like are poetry free for all and Eratosphere (my favorite). They are both excellent ways to get told what one should be hearing about the dredful messes that sometimes leak from the pen.

Hope you had a good time with your guests.; 8:30 AM
Roger Stevens said...: Thanks for that. I'll try Eratosphere. I've loads of poems that copuld do with a good going over.; 3:46 PM
Pat Paulk said...: The sandbox and the monkey bars?? Man, you've moved on to the ballfields with your latest poems!!; 4:07 PM
Russell Ragsdale said...: Roger, you'll have to start with criticising other poet's works first before you can post your own stuff for criticism. They had some pretty good poets that used to participate (haven't done anything there for over a year), and it is a wonderful exercise to get used to the critical process before being subjected to it. I think you'll, er, enjoy it (anyway its really useful)!

Mike Snider's favorite it the PFFA and he has done some really impressive work there. You can't go wrong with either of them, they're great!; 6:02 PM
Russell Ragsdale said...: Pat you are far too modest, my very talented friend! Thanks for the super complementary words.; 6:07 PM
ozymandiaz said...: What I think is really needed is a forum to teach people how to critique. Everything comes off as ass kissing or heavey handed. I have tried several forums with dreadful results.
By the by, absolutely wonderful poem (smooch smooch). I am serious, this aint just no ass kissing here (smooch smooch), the lines are smooth a lyrical. A very readable piece (smack). The only word I tripped on was Ruleless.; 5:08 AM
Russell Ragsdale said...: Thanks Ozy (says me drying off)! I'm glad you liked it. You're right about ruleless. Great concept, lousy word. Great Poetry Carnival Ozy!; 6:08 AM