(a 55 word sonnet)
They were ours
before we were born,
they are
the diatribe of slumber.
Words that feel,
flow between
you and me,
and we do not
wake to hear them
sleeping on the bottom
of an undulant ocean
made of silk in the wind.
The silk snags on a thorn
and I awake at your caress.
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18 comments:
WOW!! Russell this is beautiful!! All the images lead perfectly to that waking caress.
Thanks Pat! That's kind of what I had in mind when I got the idea for the poem. I read something on Gulnaz's blog and something else on someone else's blog and the thing began to take shape. There was also something from your newest poem that struck me; anyway, somehow I ended up with this really compact, free form sonnet. Glad you liked it and thanks for the wonderful comments.
Wowzer! Russell, what a piece! And there's an ethereal, floating element to this that's especially appealing at the ending. Great job!
Thanks Aurora! I'm glad you enjoyed this. I am also especially fond of that floating sensation that this poem has. Thanks for the great comments. I always love it when I make you say wow but a Wowzer, now that is a special treat.
Beautiful imagery in this poem. And I enjoyed the feel of being swept, both away and inward. Nice one Russell.
Lovely, that sleeping-about-to-wake feeling that is associated with rapid eye movement (medicak terminology) is definitely very dream like, the effect is lovely the impact is powerful
Thanks Don! Those happy words are much appreciated! I wanted that feeling of motion so I am glad to know you felt it. Thanks for the kind and helpful words.
Thanks plus ultra! I'm glad this was a plus for you. Such a wonderful comment is definitely a plus for me. But then, you are plus ultra, after all! Thanks for the great comments.
Now a 55 words sonnet! This is as good as it can be.
Thanks gautami tripathy! I actually have four 55 word poems in the current postings. They are Somnambulist, Expectations, and Recriminations and they are all sonnets. The fourth is (write your name here) that I posted just a little while ago. I really enjoy the economy of poetry and I often write these short poems for pleasure and discipline. It is great when one really sparkles. Thanks for the great comment.
Glad I scrolled down your page, and found this gem of a sonnet. ^_^ It left me breathless and, really, aching for more of this. (I'm gonna swoon any minute now. Hahaha.)
Loved it, Russell! Cheers!
Thanks soulless! What wonderful words. I was aching for your ache (and I promise more). If you swoon I'll catch you. Thanks for all these great words, my sweet -- I am swept away!
Stopped to read your Bard Ringing...glad I found this gem. Very well done.
Thanks kgt! I'm glad you found this enjoyable. Thanks again for the great comment!
There's something very satisfying in the idea of Somnambulist and the phrase "diatribe of slumber." :)
Thanks lometa! There are some words or phrases that have resonance. I'm glad you found them (they were waiting for you). Thanks for the wonderful comment.
I love the paralell with the silkyness of the dream then the tug of awakening
Thanks Sue. Yes, that was a moment of concrete shift in the poem and I was relieved to see it worked. I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for saying such nice things.
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